You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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