I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
