Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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