oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
