He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
