i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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