girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
where are my eyebrows?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
