life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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