It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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