After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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