okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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