woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
