So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
