Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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