Your dad touched me again.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
