He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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