Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you win again, gameday.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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