woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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