I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
