His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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