So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
