She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
