is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
They took my balls.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
