i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
