you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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