I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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