I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
