Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
