Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize