A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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