We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
