Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
