I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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