clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
