i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
