I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Randomize