Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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