1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
