actually, I'm a sock model
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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