he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize