All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
