I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize