Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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