my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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