Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
