Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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