im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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