If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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