yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
