hotel room ftw
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
