he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
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