It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
