I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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