I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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