fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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