U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
