Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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