i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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