You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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