things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
