I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
