Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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