What a fucking waste of an outfit
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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