can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
