Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
