she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
