I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize