forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
