we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
