I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
