I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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