HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
