went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
